


Kissing Booth

by futuredeadperson



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dirty Jokes, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, This Is STUPID, comedy (i tried), lots of swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:28:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25692079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futuredeadperson/pseuds/futuredeadperson
Summary: Matsukawa and Hanamaki insisted on running a kissing booth at the School festival for a chance to kiss their crush.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 49





	1. Makki is pussy-shy

**Author's Note:**

> This is stupid, mostly are just my stupid jokes thrown all together in this aha don't hate me

Hanamaki slumped down beside Matsukawa who was drinking from his tumbler, breathing in a load of salonpas-smelling air and wiping the sweat on his forehead with a towel, he snatched the boy’s tumbler immediately and drank water from it without wiping.

It was a Thursday, and the team was doing extra practices before going home, which consists of receiving Oikawa’s monster serves and unlimited spiking practices, which exhausted the hell out of Hanamaki.  _ I have to buy lots of cream puffs later _ , he thought to himself.

"Hey, don't drink it all, i'm still thirsty." Matsukawa monotonously said.

"You ho, you're still thirsty? After all that we have done last night? Am I not enough? Is my body not enough? Are you seeing somebody else? Huh? Answer me!!!" Makki dramatically cried, the back of his hand rested in his forehead while his face remained emotionless.

"I'm sorry, Takahiro, let's end this. It's not me, it's you" Hanamaki fake-cried, throwing light punches at Matsukawa's chest (maybe an excuse to touch his hard pecs, or not;))

" You insolent bastard! I can't take this anymore! What have I done to deserve this?" everyone in the gym was looking at them, especially Oikawa who was giggling while recording the whole thing (for blackmailing purposes, he can sell it to Hanamaki's older sister or something) and Hajime who was facepalming and shaking his head slowly.

Matsukawa caught his hands and looked straight(?) into the pink-haired boy's eyes then took a deep breath,

"You moan like a dying Beluga whale." 

Aghast by the outlandish response, a loud snap echoed through the gym, there was an exaggerated gasp from Oikawa, while everyone in the room fell silent when Hanamaki  _ slapped _ Matsukawa.

Yes,  _ slapped  _ (or spike maybe, you’ll never know) _. _ He decided that he will never let his beautiful voice be slandered by this leech-eyebrowed cretin of a man. All of their teammates tensed as there was no reaction from the man whose face was spiked, his head facing down the direction where he had been slapped to.

“H-hey, Mat----” Hajime’s concerned voice was cut off by Matsukawa’s sudden jolt and Hanamaki snorting.

“Pfffft…” 

Quiet giggles were heard, and the whole team just stared at them, as the giggles turned into a roar of laughter and the two boys were hitting each other out of breathlessness, Oikawa sighed and Iwaizumi just stared at them, disappointment dripping through his eyes.

“Fucking Idiots” 

“Hajime!” Matsukawa showed a super  _ super  _ surprised face and Iwaizumi looked back, annoyed.

“How’d you know we fucked?” Hanamaki gasped, holding a hand against his lips. There was no response from Iwaizumi, he was speechless, showing just an aggressive blush in his cheeks and a pissed look which made the two boys break again into a second set of laughter, combusting into an uncontrollable fit of hyena wheezes.

“Makki! Mattsun! Stop teasing Iwa-chan!” 

After a few minutes, the two boys had finally calmed down, occasionally snorting and wheezing and whispering jokes at each other. Oikawa clapped his hands to get the attention of his teammates, gathering them at the corner of the volleyball gym. Yahaba and Kindaichi pulled the whiteboard as the other team members sat at the floor

“Coach said we’ll be having a meeting about the upcoming school festival, but since they have a faculty meeting, I'll be the one to spearhead---come here iwa-chan, assist me.”

“As you all know, we need to think of a booth for our club, any suggestions?”

“What about a cafe?” 

“No- a butler cafe!” Kindaichi suggested, and Oikawa shaked his head fast and whimpered with strong disapproval.

“We already had a cafe booth last year, maid cafe to be exact, and it did not turn out well.” Iwaizumi said, remembering how Oikawa almost died in embarrassment when the maid outfit that he was supposed to wear was too short, too revealing----very inappropriate for the eyes of innocent minds. He still remembers how Matsukawa and Hanamaki teased the hell out of their friend, and how Oikawa awkwardly greeted his fangirls while pulling down the hem of his maid skirt (Iwaizumi was quiet tho, probably enjoying the view)

“I won’t mind having a maid cafe again, Makki was _ very sexy _ in that maid outfit.” Matsukawa smirks and kunimi died a little bit inside ‘oh fuck here they go again’ 

“Oh,  _ you!  _ Have you seen yourself in that outfit, Mattsun? You were  _ so fine _ and i wouldn’t mind fuc---”

“OOOOKAY! That’s enough, any other suggestions?” Oikawa cut him off as an attempt to protect the innocence of the freshmen from these two vile, shameless creatures.

“This is stupid.” Kyotani sighed loudly but sat straight when Yahaba threw him dagger looks, scared(?) that he might get shoved against the wall again, which he doesn’t want to happen because he looked pathetic.

“Pff, scorny” hanamaki whispered

“Scared and horny” matsukawa replied, and they both giggled while hitting each other, complimenting how fucking clever they both are, they repeated the word ‘scorny’ and wheezed again but were interrupted when Iwaizumi let out a loud ‘ehem’.

“What about...burger booth?” Matsukawa’s eyes sparkled at his suggestion which was turned down immediately by Yuda saying that he will eat all the burgers before it reaches the customer.

“Ah!” Matsukawa and Hanamaki exclaimed sighed at the same time the others sighed again and could practically see a lightbulb at the duo’s head as they pointed their fingers up indicating that they had thought of a very  _ very clever _ idea.

“What?”

“I sure hope this is not a dumb idea--”

“KISSING BOOTH!!!”

…

  
  


“Kissing booth? What the fuck? Will that even be allowed?” Heisuke was the first one who reacted, the freshmen remained silent, leaving the decisions to their senpais.

“You just want to kiss your crushes, you candy ass simps.”

“That’s dumb”

“Duh! Of course! Let’s put Oikawa’s obnoxious numbers of fangirls to use! I’m sure they will be  _ swarming _ all over our booth! And we’ll earn lots of cash”

“Well, we can hire other students for our booth, they can have half of the money they will be earning.”

“Wait- You’re gonna sell my lip’s virginity for a booth? Iwa-chan, I refuse!”

“No, they have a point, let’s use your pretty face to profit, I'm sure you can sacrifice for the club. _ Right, captain?”  _ Kaneo chuckled, and Iwaizumi just gave a nod, earning a groan from Oikawa.

“Oh god, eat my shorts”

The third years bullied Oikawa into agreeing and he hesitantly submitted the form to the faculty, whispering ‘damn it’ and ‘shit’ every 30 seconds while punching and kicking the air as Iwaizumi, Matsukawa and Hanamaki tagged behind him.

“Our days have finally come, Makki. Victory is ours!” Matsukawa triumphantly laughed as he draped his arms over the strawberry-haired boy.

“Victory!!” 

“Makki, stop that! You’re reminding me of that obnoxious blocker from Shiratorizawa.”

“Tendou, right?” Iwaizumi asked

“His name should’ve been ninedou.” Hanamaki chuckled at his own joke 

“You have the very chance to say he should’ve been named Nintendou but you didn’t, I’m so disappointed at you, Makki.” Matsukawa replied as he was slowly shaking his head, releasing his hold at Hanamaki and slowly putting distance between them.

“Mattsuuun! No! I’m sorry, don’t leave me! I’ll be a good wife! Yes, I’ll do the cooking! Yes, I’ll do the cleaning!  Yes I’ll keep the nana real sweet for your eating!”

“I’m sorry, susan. I can’t take this anymore, I’ll be taking the kids with me, I’m filing a divorce” Hanamaki ran into him and screamed ‘noooo’ as he hugged the taller man and clung to him like a koala. Oikawa looked unimpressed and Iwaizumi was chuckling at his two idiots of a friend.

“U-um, excuse me..can you please move to the side? You’re in the way” A gentle voice interrupted the two boys, who were laughing and throwing dramatic words at each other. The girl who spoke was small and slim, her skin is white like a porcelain glass, with rosy cheeks, plump lips and her long eyelashes, with eyes like it belonged to a feline.

Suddenly, Hanamaki stood straight, cheeks suddenly turning red and eyes wide like he just saw a ghost.

“Y-yes! No! Yes! I- I mean! I’m sorry!” 

He ran almost immediately after stuttering at the petite third year girl, leaving the girl and his three friends dumbfounded.

“HAHAHAHA MAKKI PUSSY-SHY”

Matsukawa’s loud obnoxious laugh can be heard in the quiet street, it’s already 5 in the afternoon and the sun is already setting, bathing the four third years with the gentle rays of the setting sun as they walked their way into their homes

“Shut up, Mattsun! You can’t even tell us who your crush is!”

Hanamaki’s cheeks were blazing red, complementing his pale pink colored hair, which made him look like a strawberry,  _ how cute---  _ Matsukawa thought. He still hasn't moved on from the incident a while ago, where his crush (Miyo’s the name) saw him clinging onto his best friend like his life depended on it, whining and crying like a Karen who wanted to speak to the manager, how embarrassing, really.

“Oh I know who! I know who!” Oikawa excitedly said, devilishly grinning at Matsukawa which was returned by Matsukawa unimpressed and deathly glare.

“Don’t you fucking dare, you sly motherfucker.”

“Go tell him” Iwaizumi chuckles as he joined them bantering

“WHO?! Tell me Oikawa, i’ll buy you milk bread, or i’ll bake it for you!”

“I sincerely apologize Makki, but it’s a secret, no amount of milk bread will make me break my promise, i’m a man of word, you know”

Matsukawa exhaled loud, like there was a heavy bag that has been lifted off his chest,  _ what the fuck oikawa im gonna kill you. _

“-----the name starts with M, tho  _ comequickiwachan  _ BYEEE BRING ME MY MILKBREAD TOMORROW MAKKI” 

Before Matsukawa reacted at the betrayal, Oikawa was already running to their street, dragging Iwaizumi who was cursing at him. Now, he is left with Hanamaki, whose eyelids were almost touching while he looks at Matsukawa with suspicion.

“W-what?”

“Hmm..I’m your best friend but Oikawa knows something I don't, I'm sad Mattsun.”

“W-well...I never intended for Oikawa to find out, he just accidentally knew.”

“Letter M huh?”

They continued walking, slowly making their way to the bakery where Hanamaki always buys his creampuffs, Matsukawa was sweating cold, his heartbeat was racing and he exhaled and inhaled slowly in an attempt to calm down.  _ Fucking shittykawa, did Makki already figured it out? Is he gonna hate me? Will our friendship end here?Oh shit oh shit oh shit-- _

“hAH! It’s Miyo too, right?!” 

_ What? _

“N-no!”

Matsukawa turned around, immediately facing his friend who was looking at him suspiciously and  _ it was such a bad idea because their faces are only inches away what the fuck  _

“That’s why you wouldn’t tell me huh? Because you know Miyo will pick me? Because i’m so  **handsome.”**

Matsukawa’s breath hitch at the sight of Hanamaki’s lips moving only inches away from his, Hanamaki’s eyes were deep brown, with short eyelashes which were unbelievably pale pink, too. It’s faint but he also has freckles, under his eyes which stretched to his cheekbones and some were scattered on his eyelids. His lips were thin but it’s pinkish, complementing his pale skin tone.  _ Yes, you’re right about that, you handsome fucker _

“And what about it? What are you gonna do Makki? What if I really like Miyo? Huh?” He said as he inch closer to the shorter guy, containing his calm composure, as he displays an half-assed smirk which almost looks like he’s cringing  _ because he can’t calm down, he can almost kiss his brodude and he ain’t even complaining. _

“Then, I’m gonna kiss her first,  **bitch** .” Hanamaki grinned and he strode his way to the bakery, leaving Matsukawa who was staring at the figure walking away, mind blank as he tried to register what just happened, heart thumping loudly against his chest and his fingers trembling.

**_Fuck_ **

**Mattsun.exe** has stopped working.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“It’s Makki, right?”

Oikawa choked on his milkbread, letting out a few coughs before looking at Iwaizumi who was walking beside him, waiting for an answer.

“How’d you know?”

“It’s pretty obvious, I can see the look on Issei’s eyes, and how he’s eyes light up when he’s talking to him”

“Please don’t tell Makki, Mattsun will kill me.”

“I won’t, but Issei has to stop being a pussy and confess before he regrets things later on.”

“Yeah, they’re both idiots. But Mattsun is more stupid.”

“Okay, Shitty-kawa”

“Iwa-chan, meanie!”

_ Nice going, Hajime. As if you are one to talk, can’t even confess to his childhood friend. _

Oikawa squealed when he tripped on a small rock, causing his milkbread to fall and his face to go all crumply and ugly.

“Hahahaha, idiot”

“Iwa-chaan!”

_ My idiot. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. This bitches gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanamaki had the worst dream (nightmare) ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be super short since I'm gonna have classes tomorrow, and I want to at least upload a chapter after long weeks of procrastinating, so please take my poorly made offering *kowtows*

Hanamaki walked out of the tent, his eyes wandered through the countless colorful booths that surrounded him, Lots of banderitas were hanging on the tents, colors of blue, red, yellow, green and pink. It was loud and bright like he was in a circus. The surroundings were filled with chatter but it somehow made him feel weird. 

He saw Kindaichi approaching him, who was dressed in a weird suit, white shirt, suspenders, checkered shorts with the waistband weirdly raised up to the top of his belly, and bigass neon green sneakers which made Hanamaki want to gouge his eyes out. He was holding a red wooden box and he was smiling as he offered the box to Hanamaki,  _ he looked ridiculous. _

Hanamaki quickly opened the box, curious to what was inside it, who was surprised when a wave of water hit him in the face like a waterfall. The water kept coming like the wooden box was connected to some body of water or a big water hose.

Hanamaki was now dripping wet as he recovered from the shock when he saw a familiar paper bag in the red wooden box, which was surprisingly dry, he looked at Kindaichi whose face still remained smiling, staring straight ahead (which looks very creepy) he grabbed the bag of his all-time favorite cream puffs and looked around.

_ Am I dreaming? _

On the far left corner, he saw Oikawa, which was surrounded by a flock of fangirls. He walked to the brunette who was chanting something. When Hanamaki was finally a foot far from Oikawa, he was dumbfounded. The brunette looked totally fine, he was smiling and waving at his fangirls, wearing their jersey with a volleyball in his right hand, the only thing that was different was he had the body of a horse as his legs.

_ Oikawa….is a centaur? _

_ Okay, i’m totally dreaming _

“YAHOO IWA-CHAN~”

He watched as Centaur-kawa glided (with rainbows following his horse-butt) to Iwaizumi, who looked normal wearing their school uniform, and a varsity jacket, eyes glaring at Oikawa who was getting close. He opened his mouth as he shouted at Oikawa---or neighed.

_ He fucking neighed. _

_ What the fuck. _

“Nope”

Hanamaki turned around, walking away from the horrid scene he was seeing, closing his eyes on the way as he saw yudachan and his other teammates dressed as dwarves, dancing on some kind of ritual at his peripheral vision.

_ I am not allowing myself to see this monstrosity, not anymore. _

He walked back to the tent, thinking that maybe if he came back from where he came from, this nightmare would stop, and all of the things he saw would drift away and be forgotten as soon as he opened his eyes. 

Upon entering the tent, what he saw was the broad back of his best friend, Matsukawa who was holding hands with… Miyo-chan?

“M-mattsun?”

Matsukawa neither answered, nor reacted at Hanamaki calling him, as if he was deaf. He stood there like a statue, hand intertwined with the petite girl who looked at the strawberry haired boy with malice, Miyo smirked at him and held Matsukawa’s hand tighter, which didn’t escape Hanamaki’s vision.

Hanamaki’s chest hurt like someone pinched his heart, he disregarded it as Miyo and Matsukawa started to walk, he followed them and suddenly the surroundings were pitch black, Makki can only see the two figures walking away, slowly increasing the distance between them.

“Mattsun! Mattsun, wait! Issei!”

Matsukawa suddenly turned, eyes cold staring right at Hanamaki’s eyes which made him shiver. Matsukawa mumbled something to him, but it was unintelligible, making Hanamaki’s face contort in confusion. Matsukawa turned and continued walking away with Miyo.

Suddenly there was a light, a bright blinding light which made Makki squint, and suddenly, Matsukawa and Miyo were gone.

He was alone.

“Issei! Noooooooooooooooo--”

  
  
  


Something hit his face.

“What the fuck, Hiro!”

Hanamaki opened his eyes when someone flicked his forehead, making him groan in pain. He was greeted by his sister’s face, Harika, whose hair was shorter than it used to be.

“ _ Ouch _ ,  _ What the fuck _ , nee-chan! Why are you here?”

“Don’t curse at me, you little shit.” She slurred.

“I was trying to wake you up! You’re gonna be late!”

“Okay, okay! Why are you here anyway? Don’t you have classes at your uni? And why is your hair so short?”

Harika rolled his eyes at him, twirling her fingers on her shoulder-length pale strawberry pink hair.

“Yeah, I missed home” She paused, fiddling with her fingers while unable to make eye contact with his little brother.

“..And my boyfriend cheated on me, but that doesn’t matter. Don’t you miss me? My cute little brother?”

“Ew, no”

“..”

_ Wait, what? _

“ _ What the actual fuck? _ Are you okay? Do you want me to punch that gremlin looking bastard?” He hissed and punched his palm, his almost nonexistent eyebrows meeting at the crease of his forehead.  _ The nerve of that bastard _ .

“Pfft, it’s fine, I already punched him.” Harika chuckled.

“In the face”

He forgot how aggressive his older sister is. Of course, she would never let herself look pathetic, especially not over a boy, that would be _ disgusting. _

“And in the balls.”

_ Ouch _ , Hanamaki made a mental note to never  _ ever  _ make his sister pissed again or his little guavas will be in danger, her ex-boyfriend deserved it though. Harika may look tough but she’s soft inside, and she’s very kind, and she’s pretty, she may be a bit of tomboy and would beat the shit out of you, but still. Who would dare cheat on her?

“Take a bath already, I prepared a warm bath for you. I will help mom on preparing breakfast.”

“Okay, thanks nee-chan.”

Makki turned to grab his towels and make his way to the bathroom, he was about to close the door when his sister suddenly stopped the door with her arms.

“ _ Hey, lil bro _ ” 

“What?”

“It seems like even in your dreams, you are very very gay huh?”

“What? I am not??”

“You were calling Issei-kun on your dreams you know.”

Makki shut the door on her face, face flustered, which made Harika laugh out loud.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA gay.”

As Hanamaki sat down on the bath, all of his memories from last night’s dream suddenly came flooding in his mind, from the centaur-kawa, horse-voice Hajime, little dwarves dancing with the face of his teammates, and the cliché-running-after-your-loved-one-dreams-that-only-happens-in-telenovelas with Matsukawa and Miyo, ew.

“What the fuck was that?”

He splashes his face with water in an attempt to refresh his mind, can’t he just forget that dream, like what always happens? Why must this abominable piece of memory be etched into his mind? Why?  _ Just why? _

He busied himself scrubbing his body as he stared angrily at his bathroom walls. 

_ Why am I angry? _

Is he angry because he felt like Matsukawa will steal Miyo?

_ Of course not, I’m not that petty _

Then why? Why is he so agitated over something such as a stupid, meaningless dream? Maybe he’s just scared because Matsukawa is his bestest friend? And his best friend and his crush being together don’t sit right with him? Yeah, that’s why, that has to be the reason.

_ Yeah, definitely _

“Hiroo! Come down already! Issei-kun is here!” 

The voice of his mom startled his quiet thoughts, but not as much as the mention of _ Issei Matsukawa _ ’s name. He stood up almost immediately and tried to grab his towel, getting out of the bath and forgetting that he’s in a bathroom, and when there’s a bathroom, there’s water, and when there is water, there is a high possibility of slipping off the tiles.

So yeah, he slipped.

  
  


Harika and Matsukawa’s chatters was stopped when a loud thud was heard from upstairs, specifically from Takahiro’s room, they exchanged glances at each other, Harika pouting, trying to stop herself from laughing with Issei’s confused face.

“Oh my, did he fall again? What a clumsy child.” Mrs. Hanamaki sighed while she placed the plates and utensils on the round table, adding for one more person since they have convinced Issei to have breakfast with them.

Matsukawa didn’t need to ask, he sprinted upstairs, concerned about what might happen to his best friend, he might have broken his head open, or he might have lost an arm, being the clumsy idiot as he was.

Harika sighed painfully as soon as Matsukawa ran frantically to Takahiro’s room, head hurting, she muttered under her breath,

  
  


“My god, this bitches gay”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk when the new chapter will be up, since i will be very busy. Anyways,, thank you for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a procastinating bitch so idk when will i update


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